Faith, Why is it so difficult at times?

If you are anything like Lee and I, sometimes you find God's direction for your life being relayed to you in a whisper..or in subtle hints and signs of what you are to do.

For us in this adoption... its more like a trumpet being blown through a Bull horn...Amplified by the strongest speaker. One would think that would be all we need right? Nope, not us.

LONG story short... After the agency told us there was no guarantee, we allowed fear and doubt to seep in. We never sent in our contract with the check to get the process really going. We sat on it for a week. Then, this past weekend, our wonderful, amazing God decided to step in and calm our fears..and remind us that he is in control of this.

Three seperate times this weekend, God told us that this is a test of our Faith.

First was Saturday morning, in a video Lee and I watched. At the end, a screen popped up with these simple BUT OH SO POWERFUL words.
" Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Wow. That about sums up the feeling we had..

Second- We are taking off on a little trip to Vegas ( for GOOD CLEAN fun) this weekend. Although we had gotten a pretty powerful message that morning, fear was starting to return. Gosh, so many things we could do with this money, the adoption might not even happen! We DESPERATLY want to adopt, but were we prepared to deal with the fact China may come back and say no? After all this time, money and mostly heart invested?
Then that afternoon, two checks came in the mail totaling 800 dollars. One we had never expected to see, and the other was from an item we had just recently sold, the person hadn't even collected the item yet! They even included 50 dollars more than the sale price, and told us to enjoy our trip! Again, God was not giving our fears a way out.

Third- On our way to Church Sunday, we talked about how, in all honestly, scared we both were that this would all fall through. We knew it was God's will and plan for us, but still so much fear. Then, the pastor gave a sermon, we feel, directed to us. He spoke of how Jesus was saying " JUST TRUST ME". Let go of your fears and just trust in the Lord! How many more signs does he need to give you, how many more ways does he need to tell you what to do. Trust trust trust.

And after Church...We went STRAIGHT to Blu C sushi, signed our app, and mailed it off Monday morning ( from Sarah's work).

No more fear, worries, wonderings, only Hope, Faith and trust.

Finally Moving Forward!

We ran into an issue during our application, and we were waiting for China to give us a waiver. Sadly, China declined to give us a waiver but our agency said we should move forward with our homestudy. They will more than likely accept our dossier when sent in. The agencie was extremly confident there would be no issues, as two couples last year had their dossier's accepted who had a similiar situation as ours ( no, we are not criminals..that was not the issue:)
So, with lots of prayers, nervousness and excitment, we are getting ready to start our dossier!

Waiting and Waiting...

We have yet to hear from our agency on our application. After 3 years of waiting, 4-10 business days seems like forever!

In the mean time, we are slowly preparing for Madeline and our trip to China. We finally traded in my little vw convertible. We loved that little car, but when we babysat a newphew it was next to impossible to fit in 3 dogs, 2 adults and a baby :). The SUV is much more practical, and we won't have to worry about our canine kids walking all over our human kid:)

The best part about my new car is the Miata is finally gone! Lee loved his little car. So much so that at 250,000 miles on the engine, he still couldn't part with it. Over the years it got dings, dents, and major scratches. The paint was chipping off and faded. The interior was ripped, torn,and stained :)The back plastic window was foggy and wouldn't zip up more than half way. Lee held the window up by using a little roll of carpet that would fall down as you drove, so half the plastic window would hang open. It was a a unique vehicle to say it nicely:) But I loved and respected the fact that my husband didn't care about all the odd looks he got as he drove it. He was determined, He was going to drive it into the ground!However, after talking about getting my new car, he finally relented and accepted the fact that the Miata needed to be retired. It gave him a great run...It was a blessing from God that the miata ran as long as it did, although it did look as though it was going to stop right there on the road at any moment and quit :) Now it is retired...in our garage ( I think Lee is saying goodbye slowley :-)
Hopefully my next post will be our acceptance from our agency!
God bless you all!

We did it!

We submitted our application. We decided to go back to the place that it all started, Blu C sushi:) The employee's there were so patient! They let us stay 30-40 minutes after they were closed so we could finish. I knew being a frequent visitor would benefit us some day :)
The app took much longer than we thought, and our internet connection got spotty as we hit submit. So, we (by mistake) submitted the application three times, and got billed twice.
We called our adoption agency, Great Wall to inform them of the error. However, they were already aware! They had seen we paid twice, and had already started the refund process. If they are this on top of things, this will be a smooth process. Now, we wait for approval... :) The first picture is the start, the last one ( where we are both exhausted and frazzled) is when we completed it ...2 hours later... :) They also have to be quite possibly the WORST pictures of either one of us ( no fault of the picture taker...we were just exhausted:)
Lee and Sarah VanG.

Today is the Day!!!

I ( Sarah) Turn 30 today!:) Which means we can officially send in our application to Great Wall to adopt. So many emotions today! It is funny to think 5 years ago, I had no desire for children. Lee had wanted a family, but I was content on it being just the two of us. One video 3 years ago changed everything...
I remember the day so clearly. I was at work, and had stumbled on a video of China's waiting children. I felt a strange draw so I opened it. There I sat tearing up at what I seeing. These beautiful children, because they were A)Girls and B) Had correctable or non correctable health needs, were essentially being tossed aside. Many would die before being discovered, and the ones that were fortunate and were found were sent to orphanage's. Because of China's one child law, girls are not the desired gender. To add a health issue( many correctable with surgery) added to their undersirable status. I felt something stir in my heart, I wanted to be a mother to one of these little children. I wanted to give a little child a chance at life. I wanted to give a little girl with no mom and dad, a mom and dad. I left work knowing God had showed me that video, he had placed the curiosity in my heart to open it.( Side note:I still find it amazing how our Lord knows the deepest desires of our hearts, even when we ourselves don't realize them)

After work, I prayed for a way to mention this to Lee. We met for dinner at our fav. place ( Blue C Sushi). They had a large video playing on a 20 foot screen ( it's a very "industrial" design sushi place). We both glanced up, and at that time there was a little chinese child jumping off some rocks. I thanked God for opening the door, as this made a smooth transition for what I was about to bring up. "Honey, have you ever thought about adopting....from China?" He looked at me with that Lee smile, and said something I wasn't expecting. He too had been thinking about it for MONTHS, but knew I didn't have a strong desire for children, so he never brought it up. By the end of that meal, we made the decision that will affect the rest of our lives! We were going to be parents...Now the waiting began.
China has many rules, one of which is both parents have to be 30. Well, today we celebrate the fact that after years of planning and waiting, we are both 'of age' to be parents!
The picture above is my desk my co-workers decorated. As you can see, They all have known for years we were waiting for this day ( hence the Chinese lanterns).

Happy 41st Birthday Lee!

Today Lee turns 41 :-) We had a wonderful time on Sunday celebrating with some of our family. Since our birthdays are so close, we generally pick one weekend day to celebrate together:) Now, three more days and off goes our application to China!

13 days and Counting!

13 days until Sarah is 30 years old! We have waited for this moment since we decided to adopt from China soon after we got married in July of '07.
Soon we will be starting our homestudy, and paperchase phase to head to China and pickup our little Madeline!